Getting My "Beyonce" on!

Nooooo ladies I don't mean doing the "uh oh" dance in some night club. I'm talking about getting this career on a ball. I mean I'm twenty(blank) years old and I still don't feel like I'm close to reaching a career goal.
I mean don't get me wrong I'm no loser. I've work for a nice percentage of my life. Its just that I'm tired of finding jobs that are just for the moment, I'm ready for that career, like a REAL job. A job I can retire from.
I have one career path in mind. And I'm seriously thinking about persuing it. I mean eventually I gotta leave these little average Joe jobs alone.
But until then I sooooo have a job interview tommorow. Wish me luck ladies.
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I MISS YOU

.......Yeah pretty much Nothing more needs to be said!
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Got Love?

If I was to ask you would putting your hand in fire burn, you would be able to tell me yes without any doubt. Right? There would be no doubt in your mind that if you were to stick your hand in that fire that it would burn you. So how come when it comes to the certainty of being in love we are not so sure?

I'm gonna keep it real. I've been doing this relationship thing for two years solid. Not no on and off and then on again, but two years STRAIGHT! I would be liar of the year if I didn't tell you that I didn't have my doubts.

For me it was the whole: how do you know if this is real, how do I know I can stay committed, how do I know if this is NOT a serious case of lust....I mean think about it. What substitutes fake love from the real? Or the difference between love and lust? What is love anyway? Is it the feeling of feeling like you can't live without a certain individual? Or is it just being overwhelmed because you finally find someone who isn't boring? Is love just a phase that eventually dies?

I no longer have my doubts and really feel with all my heart that me and #35 is meant to be (time will tell it always does). I love the feeling of knowing that somebody is really down for me and gives an "F" about my well being. I don't wanna get to detailed but I'm happy :-)

However a lot of women are guilty of not reading between the lines and in result find out the hard way that those weekend dates was nothing more TO HIM but an opportunity to eventually get into your pants (oooh harsh).

Now that I think about it the reason why a lot of people doubt their love (mainly women) is usually from lack of confidence or poor judgement of character.

Whatever it is, its an amazing feeling and hopefully the love you experience is authentic....in the mean time I'm such a f-ing ladyXoXo
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Before #35 There Was Mr.Biggs... (the jerk)

Okay ladies for some reason I'm one of the few people who haven't been a loyal viewer to the hit sitcom 'Sex and The City'.

However I'm still aware of Carrie's obsession with Mr.Biggs. And I think the reason why its has become an obsession to US is because the situation is soooo relatable. Actually I think almost every female has either met or is dealing with a guy who they seem to not be able to win completely over, yet they still refuse to "completely" leave him alone.

My Mr.Biggs came in the format of a street dude who we'll call "Juvenile". And trust me while he played the role as Mr.Biggs I was definitely his Carrie. Its crazy because no matter how many signs came my way (bad signs) I would still continue to try to rescue a "love" that didn't want to be saved. Hoping one day he would take me serious enough to be his partner in crime.

Its weird because I loved him so much, yet I hated him at the same time. Loved him because I so thought he was my type and thought we could be something wonderful but hated him for the lack of....ummm the lack of communication on his part! Luckily I got it together and met a REAL man (#35) I mean let's face it, most of the Carrie and Mr.Biggs scenerios do not end happily ever after.

I mean was I suppose to just wait. I'm sorry but I cannot and will not wait to the day that a man makes up his mind and hope that its in my favor... Nope not me.
Any real woman will eventually move on. No matter how hard it may be. Because in my opinion its in the guy's DNA to be the hunter. Not ours. Chasing a man is just not cute. I learned that "Juvenile" was just that, juvenile.

So what that said, characters like Mr.Biggs are fun to watch on tv. But in the real world can be dangerous creatures. All the calling, the dates, the night caps, the cuddling just to still remain in square one....uuuuuuuh no I don't think so!!!

Just some thoughts
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I'm Off Limits (but shorty we aint real Cousins)

Okay so I'm attractive!! And its a given that guys are going to try to hit on me. A lot of the times its overwhelming. Like can a woman get to point A and B without being harrassed??? So by all means it doesn't come by suprise that men are always jocking my fresh (lol).
However I do find it shocking when men who witnessed me go through my different stages such as: being a tom boy, and a thinks she knows it all teenie bopper tries to talk to me. I mean fellas some ladiwes should just be off limits. Well lately that's been happening a lot.
A lot of my cousin's friends or men from around the way who got me by at LEAST nine years have been on it hard. Now even if #35 didn't exist they still wouldn't have a chance simply because I know what they are about! But out of all these individuals who've tried this these two has bothered me the most.
Okay we'll call guy friend number one Gary. Well me and Gary go way back. Like I literally have images in my head of us tossing a football together in the street (yuck). Like he was always cool and like family. I even remembered trying to hook him up with a friend of mind when I was in highschool. They even chilled in a hotel (and trust I told her to spare me the details because he was like a cousin) but I was shocked when she told me that while in the hotel he was quizzing her on If I was a sexually active or not. That should of been a sign right there. But I shrugged it off and was like why on earth would I be the topic of conversation while he's in a hotel room with my beautiful friend. Well anyway with age comes curves and as time went on we lost contact. I think he went away due to some legal trouble (aka the ninja went to jail). Then he seen the womanly side of Black Barbie and lost his damn mind. He came right out with it telling me he don't look at me in a cousin-ish way. It hurted me because I'm like ummm no we can't talk like that. But at the same time I didn't wanna lose the friendship that I sooo valued. Well just like I predicted its not the same. I actually cringed when I see him because I don't know how to approach him. Its crazy because I remember he would tell other guys to fall back for trying to get with me (like a real big boy cousin would). And talking to him was soooo natural feeling. I really did live Gary like a family member. But I guess sexy does have its cons.
Friend two was soooo random as well. Another person that watch me grow up. Situation was similar. He went away seen me in a club and couldn't believe his eyes. He got my # from a cousin and would call everyday. But I thought nothing of it because he too was a family friend. Even more than the friend "Gary". But one night over drinks he just kept telling me how sexy I was, how my body is ridiculous and that I could get it. I had to tell him I didn't want it and that I have a boyfriend who I love very much. Dude even asked me to go on a trip with him. And while saying all this wanted to make sure that I didn't tell my cousin about this. Well because I wasn't paying....umm we'll call him Jerry. Well because I wasn't paying jerry no mind there's nothing to tell my cousin. Now once again just like I predicted the vibe. From the previous situation I'm sure things will be uncomfortable when ever he's around. He stop calling when he realized that it wasn't going down like that. Now I feel like I'm gotta come at him like a random dude. He'll be lucky if we are even hi and bye. What's funny is he was sooo overly confident. Ha. Love shooting down those types.
Its sad because I would love to have a heterosexual MALE friend who isn't distracted by my female anatomy. Like if you are a family friend don't try to cross that line. Age might not be nuttin but a number but kissing cousin is striaght gross (even if it is pay cousins)!!!
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When The Black Man IS Doing The Right Thing...

Okay ladies I should warn you now, this post might be a little long in length. However, it is sooo worth checking out. When Obama was fisrt elected I was one of the main ones screaming how us black people should really be inspired to reach for the sky. Especially the black man!!
I felt like if Obama could accomplish something so out of the norm like becoming president than yes we should try to become the doctors, the lawyers, and business owners we always dreamed of becoming!!! My point was let's no longer make excuses for failure. Or using the race card as an excuse. ("its hard out here for a black man"! R.I.P).
Okay so now I am aware of a sitution of a good black man being wrongfully accused, I ask what do we do when there's a hard working black man (#35) who is wrongfully accused??? It makes me sooo sick to my stomach to see that no matter how far we've come there is still those group of people who cannot stand to see certain individuals come up in life. When there down and out they're quick to give that "you need to get it together" speech. But when they get it together they do everything in their will power to knock them back down.
So maybe it is hard out here for a black man. I mean could you imagine working so hard to build this foundation, just to see someone take it all away. I find it disappointing that with a scribble of a pen they can just pick you up and wrongfully arrest you. Despite the fact that you've been working so hard.
I know a lot of people instinct reaction is to give up and just be done with trying to do the right thing. Wrong!!! You have to walk with your head up and continue doing what your doing. Imagine how many doors was slammed in Obama's face before he got into the White House. I'm sure it wasn't easy.
To my black men keep your head up. Don't get discourage. Because we all know that God has the final word~ just a thought
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